MONOTONE

22:29

Hey...just been thinking about how and when im ever gonna settle down. Coming to terms that im going to be...heck...TWENTY FIVE in the next 4months and five days...and feelin like im still a damn teenager when most of the people i know, are ...planning....engaged... married...having kids..buying houses.....buying cars......migrating...flying....making money..(loads of it!)....
......While all im doing is working a lot...a lot. And spending a lot of time at home, where i actually hardly ever do in my younger days!..... then i realised that my cat misses me being at home. Or i just chill out somewhere with some friends...that is IF and WHEN i am NOT that exhausted.

Sometimes i wish i could just go back to being a teenager. I was young, didnt have to work for money( imagine having $500 monthly allowance?!?!....at thirteen!?!), and i could get my hands on anything i want, looking forward to every single day's happening, sleepovers, being with tons of friends, getting into some mischief, doing all the sports and activities you can, performing on stage, spending at the arcades, shopping ALL the time-----> shop. Not shoplift. And the only things you really worry about are keeping friends and having good grades.

And now im 24, and REALLY working full time, watching my once FIT dad, getting ill with his headaches and such, and my grandparents aging, and my brother doing what i did when i was young, is kinda killing me. I do scream at the bugger but then i'd think again, he is just enjoying his youth, and mine is going to come to an end. It hurts, when i think of the day when Dad retires. Whats going to happen? Will i be able to help? Are we gonna move? Will his health and physique deteriorate? What will my brother do?
Oh dear... is this retribution for spending all my parents' hard earned money?
Do i have to work like this like FOREVER??!!? ............I AM SOOOOO SORRY!
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.....damn....i miss my youth.

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